Don’t Throw the “Bully” out with the Bathwater

It was anti-bullying week. We read ONE by Kathryn Otoshi,

http://www.amazon.ca/One-Kathryn-Otoshi/dp/0972394648

about a group of colours who stand against a ‘hot head.’

The Five Finger Retell approach is an excellent way to engage children in discussion. We use it a lot. And so I asked:

1. Who was in the story?
2. Where did the story take place?
3. What was the problem?
4. How was the problem solved?
5. This story reminds me of…..

The children accepted readily that the colours were the characters, and that it took place ‘just in a space.’ We talked about the problem of Red treating Blue meanly, and how 1 helped him out.

The next day we read the story again. My question to the children was, “Is Red a bully?” and “Was Red a bully in the end.”

I love this book because we aren’t casting Red as the eternal evil villain never to be trusted, but as someone who has made a mistake, and who is given the tools to try again.

And so the next day I read my book WILLOW FINDS A WAY.

http://www.amazon.ca/Willow-Finds-Way-Lana-Button/dp/1554538424

 

The children are familiar with the story and so I asked them to compare the story ONE with WILLOW FINDS A WAY.  The children made the connection that Kristabelle is like Red, because they both act in a mean way. They made the connection that Willow is like 1 because both characters found a way to stick up for their friends and say, “no” to the mean behavior.

And in both stories, the ‘mean character’ is given a chance to redeem themselves.

We do need to stand up to bullying. But there needs to be education and empathy for all children. (Especially in early childhood!!)As much energy needs to go into coaching a child to act with kindness, to help them find the right words, to redirect anger and disappointment in an appropriate way, and consider how their actions affect others, as we put into teaching children to stand up to bullying.

I say to my class all the time, “In kindergarten we learn. We learn about letters. We learn about numbers. And we learn to be kind to each other. And while we learn, we make mistakes.”

Children are terrified to be labeled the bully. They are often as devastated by their mean behavior as the child they’ve been inappropriate with. Often I’m consoling both the ‘victim’ and the ‘villain’ at the same time. If our conversations go beyond, “Say you’re sorry” to finding out why there was upset feelings, what are some words we can say to express that, what can we do next time… then the child who was ‘hurt’ often feels like they’ve been heard in a more valid way. And we’ve given the ‘villain’ an opportunity to learn from their mistakes and some tools for trying again next time.

It’s my hope that conversation around how we treat each other continues well after this week! It will, in my class. And I’ll be using picture books to help me along the way.